why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
