I got chris browned last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
