I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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