i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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