you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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