I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
