I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
