2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
