I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
