Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
