I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
