hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
