We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
