i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Panties = found
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