did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, beer. Big fan.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
