Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
