There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
