How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
