The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
