Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
