You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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