so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think heβs a keeper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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