I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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