If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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