you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
