Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
