i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I puked a lego.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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