The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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