tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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