is your mom at the bar?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
