I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
