you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love black thongs
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
