would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
