Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
