So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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