Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
