If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
