someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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