I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
