My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
lets start a swedish sibling band together
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
