Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
