i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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