Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
