I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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