Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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