I puked a lego.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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