tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
