I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
