dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
