I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
