just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
