party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
